The Mystery of The Stolen Design
A play created by Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat Published and Produced by Plot The Spanish Armada is on the move and King Breasly enlists Lawrence Daggerpaine and Bill Plunderbones to make an Advanced Ship of the Line. The designs go missing and Law asks Edgar and Jack to help him find the designs. Law doesnt tell Breasly and tries to hide his mistake which turns into some comical moments and a few huge misunderstandings are caused as well. The play evolves into a mystery and the characters undergo an adventure in seek of the stolen designs! Characters We can chose to portray your character as a villain if we wish, if you have any suggestions for your character please private message Jack Pistol or Edgar Wildrat on the wiki chat. *Jack Pistol - Hired by Daggerpaine Industries *Prince Edgar Wildrat - Hired by Daggerpaine Industries *Lawrence Daggerpaine - Owner and Manager of Daggerpaine Industries *Bill Plunderbones -Vice Manager of Daggerpaine Industries *John Breasly - King of Enland *Sir Carlos Clemente - King of Spain *Matthew Blastshot - Head of the British Royal Navy *Richard Goldvane - Privateer for England trying to earn trust of King Breasly who knows the location of an item Richard seeks. *Captain Skull X - Captain of the ship and crew used to trasnport Jack and Edgar's search party around. *Chris Swordbones - Temporary Spanish goon/spying on them and friend of Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat *Miss Telltale - In Jack and Edgar's search party and is the love interest of captain Skull *Simon Redskull - The brains of the Jack and Edgar's search party. *Captain Robert - A corrupt Britsih Royal Navy thug *William Yellowbones - Son of Prince Edgar Wildrat *Davy Gunfish - Head of Spanish Armada *Bobby Moon - Cheeky Secretary *Jim Bloodsilver - Stalker and suspect *Jason Yelloweagle - King John's advisor Characters Who Need Portrayers *Spanish Inquisitionists *British Royal Navy Men *Spanish Royla Navy Men *Residents of Nicholas' Estate Character Profiles These are the characters of the play with a brief description listed in Order of Appearance. Lawrence Daggerpaine Role -''' Lawrence is the genius behind the work at Daggerpaine Industries. He was hired by King John Breasly to make improved the Ship of the Line designs that could be used to fight off the Spanish Armada. 'Persoanlity - '''Lawrence is one of the more sane characters in Jack and Edgar's search party. He has leadership skills and quick to come to a clever decision. He always addresses people formally, calling them Mr, Mrs or Miss. Bill Plunderbones '''Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Bobby Moon 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' William Yellowbones 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' John Breasly 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Jack Pistol 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Edgar Wildrat 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Simon Redskull 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Cortez 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Sir Carlos Clemente 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Chris Swordbones 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Capt. Skull X 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Miss Telltale 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Richard Goldvane 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Matthew Blastshot 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Jason Yelloweagle 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Captain Robert 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Davy Gunfish 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Jim Bloodsilver 'Role -' 'Persoanlity - ' Johnny Coaleaston 'Role -' Member of Royal Armada 'Persoanlity - ' If you would like to be a character ask in the comments and we hold the rights to portray you as we wish, you may ask for a certain type of character but that doesnt mean you will get it, we will chose your dialogue. Add this userbox if you are a character in the play with this code: Fans List: Add yourself to the list if you like the play. Use your username not your signatures. *Jason Yelloweagle *Bobby Moon *N.R. *John Breasly *GenLawrence *Jason Shiprat British Knights *The Snarf! *Kitty *Hermit The authors, Jack Pistol and Prince Edgar Wildrat hope you enjoy our play! Jack Pistol And Act I Scene I Lawrence enters his office at Daggerpaine Industries. There is a letter with the seal of King Breasly on his desk. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: What's this? He opens letter and reads aloud. Lawrence Daggerpaine: (Reading) Dear Lawrence Daggerpaine, It has come to my attention that Sir Carlos Clemente, King of Spain has a fleet in English waters. Carlos himself is not imposing, but, however the fleet is a large danger to England. My Navy can hold it off but it will cost us many, many men and ships. That is why it is important that you modify the design for The Ship of The Line, it is important that this top secret mission is revealed to no one, if Spain finds out they will launch a counterattack that will be devastating. Make sure that nobody finds this letter. Please begin on the design as soon as possible. Enclosed is a copy of current Ship of The Line blueprints. Sincerely King John Breasly Lawrence: Bill, can you come in here quickly. We have work to do! Bill Plunderbones: Is it a commission from Mr Breasly? If not I'm kind of busy. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Nice guess, Bill! The Spanish Armada has been spotted in English waters and Mr Breasly wants an improved Ship of the Line design. Here are the original blueprints. Lawrence hands over the blueprints to Bill. Bill Plunderbones: I'll look over the blueprints and leave them on your desk before I leave tonight. (Aside) And what a long night it's going to be. Darn those Spanish and their military activity! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Thank you, Bill! I'm going to go now. I'll look over your designs in the morning. Lawrence puts the letter down on his desk. Both Exit Scene II Next morning at Daggerpaine Industries. Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, holding his clipboard. His cheeky secretary, Bobby Moon, is already there. Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Good morning Miss Moon. '''Bobby Moon: Morning, Law. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Could you send a letter to Mr Breasly telling him we have finished the designs for his ship and that we will begin working immediately. Bobby Moon: Can I go on my break first? Lawrence Daggerpaine: You just got here, how can you already need a break? (Writes something on clipboard) Please just do it. Enter Bill '' '''Lawrence Daggerpaine': Morning, Bill. Did you finish the designs last night? Bill Plunderbones: Yes they are on your desk. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Great, we will begin work on the ships tomorrow. Take the designs with you tonight for safe keeping. Bill Plunderbones: Okay. Bobby Moon: What's that oaf you call a king's last name again? I need it for the letter. Lawrence Daggerpaine: That "oaf" contributes to your salary, Miss Moon. And I would prefer it if you called him Mr Breasly rather than an oaf. All exit. Scene III Bill Plunderbones is fast asleep in his house Bill Plunderbones: (Sleep-talking) Light.....Light.....Caboost....Light.....Esmeralda...Light... Large crashing sound is heard. Bill Plunderbones: (Awake) Wha...? Bill goes back to sleep. Another large crash is heard. Bill Plunderbones: 'Who's there? ''Bill gets up and walks into other room of his house and sees a thief hunched over looking for the plans. '''Bill Plunderbones: Hey! Bill draws his sword. The thief turns around with a face is covered by a hood. Bill Plunderbones: '(As thief runs away from the room) Stop right there! ''Thief is cornered and starts to duel Bill. Bill parries a lunge and cuts at the thief's head. '' ''Thief cries out in pain throws a dagger at Bill and jumps out of the window. '''Bill Plunderbones: (Looking at wound) He got away...... Bill falls unconscious. Scene IV King John is sitting in his throne room relaxing. Enter William Yellowbones William Yellowbones: 'My Lord, I have in my possession three letters addressed to Your Majesty. '''King John: '''Which of the three bears the best news? '''William Yellowbones: '(Steps forward) I believe it's this one from a, Lawrence Daggerpaine of Daggerpaine Industries. 'King John: '''Ah, news of the ship no doubt. And the other two letters? '''William Yellowbones: '''The first is from Lord Blastshot, who has returned to English waters from the Caribbean. And the other is hate-mail from that cretin that has been stealing your socks, My Liege. '''King John: '''Discard the hate-mail and bring forth, so I may read, the letter from Lawrence Daggerpaine. ''William Yellowbones gives King John the letter. '' '''King John: '(Reading) Your majesty, With the help of my companions at Daggerpaine Industries, I have completely redesigned and improved the Ship of the Lines as per your request. Work on the vessels is underway as your eyes scan the ink on this page. Once the fleet is completed I will personally see to it that the fleet crosses the Atlantic Ocean safely and docks in an English harbor. The commoners of Spain will not even be able to use Sir Carlos Clemente’s navy as firewood after Your Majesty’s Admirals touch the helms of these vessels. Enclosed is the improved Ship of the Line design. Sincerely Lawrence Daggerpaine The improved designs are not with the letter. 'King John: '''Have you got the improved designs that came with the letter? '''William Yellowbones: '''No, My Lord, only one sheet of paper was there and you are holding it. '''King John: '''He must have forgotten it. How long is Lord Blastshot’s letter? '''William Yellowbones: '''Four pages. '''King John: '''Tell me the facts. '''William Yellowbones: '''He has returned to English waters and has noticed an abundance of Spanish ships. '''King John: '''It took him four pages to say that!? Reply to Lawrence asking for a second copy of the improved designs, have some ships and our newest privateer captain, Richard Goldvane, as well to go help Lord Blastshot find safe passage back to London and see to it that the stalking, sock-stealing cretin is arrested! '''William Yellowbones: '''At once, Your Majesty! ''Both exit. Scene V At Daggerpaine Industries. Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine holding his clipboard and reading a letter. Enter Bill Plunderbones running. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: Look at this Bill. I found this letter on my desk this morning. It seems Miss Moon has resigned because her grandmother living in Spain has died and she has moved back to support the family. Bill Plunderbones: Shame maybe that explains her poor disposition and awful attitude. Anyway, now we’re going to need another new secretary! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Hmm…(Writes something on clipboard) Sadly you're right we will have to send out a poster advertising the job and hope we can hire someone soon. Bill Plunderbones: Speaking of hiring. You might want to hire a detective. Lawrence Daggerpaine: Why is that? Bill Plunderbones: The designs were stolen last night and I don’t know who took them. Lawrence Daggerpaine: (Hits Bill with clipboard) Well now what on earth are we going to do, Bill?! I’ve already told Mr. Breasly that the ships’ construction begins today and I can’t tell him that we have been delayed and that the plans might have fallen into Spanish hands! You know how he feels about incompetence! Bill Plunderbones: (Sounding like he's in pain) Well that’s why we need someone to retrieve the designs for us before Mr. Breasly finds out and before Mr. Clemente starts to build a whole new navy! Lawrence Daggerpaine: Well who could we hire? Do you know any good detectives? Enter Jack Pistol holding a document and a single barrel black pistol and Edgar Wildrat with a gold-handled saber. Bill Plunderbones: '(Mockingly) Protect me Caboost! '''Jack Pistol: '(Throws document at Lawrence) Law I have completed your Weak Ear Quest that required people to solve riddles in French in certain documents that you have written. I believe there is a reward? '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Yes, the reward is this fancy decorated box that says you have completed my quest. You can keep anything you like in there. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Jack, I thought you were receiving a reward in the form of small circular shiny objects that could fund our poker game this afternoon? '''Jack Pistol: That’s the other reason I told you to bring your saber Edgar. Bill Plunderbones: 'What’s the first? '''Jack Pistol: '''Gambling isn’t fun if you don’t win, Bill. '''Bill Plunderbones: '(Laughing) Do you want the opportunity to increase the value of your reward? '''Jack Pistol: '''I’m listening. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Mr. Breasly, (Pointing to Edgar) your grandfather, has noticed an increase in Spanish vessels around some of his key ports in England. There is no war as of yet but Mr. Breasly is aware of Mr. Clemente’s temperamental attitude and has asked us to redesign the Ship of the Line in such a way that it can better the vessels of the Spanish Armada. '''Jack Pistol: Do you want me to captain one of these ships for King Breasly? Bill Plunderbones: 'We would prefer if you retrieved the stolen designs before Mr. Clemente lays eyes on them. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''They were stolen? By who? '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''That’s the question you two must answer. '''Jack Pistol: '''What’s the reward? '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''How would you two like a post aboard one of these fine vessels? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Can you include some money in that deal? '''Jack Pistol: '''What about a coat worthy of the post? '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Yes and yes. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''I accept! '''Jack Pistol: '''Hmm…will there be wenches on our quest for the stolen designs? '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Most likely. '''Jack Pistol: '''I accept! '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Great! Uh, Edgar could you keep this subject low? I don’t want your grandfather to learn of this little dilemma. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Of course I can. '''Bill Plunderbones: '''It’s a deal. You can go to my house and check the factory for clues if you like. '''Jack Pistol: '''Not before my 11 o’clock rum, Bill. ''All exit. Act II Scene I At Bill Plunderbones' residence. Enter Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat and Bill Plunderbones. 'Bill Plunderbones: '''This is the room I hid the designs in. Feel free to snoop around I must get back to work to try and see if we can somehow begin work on the ships. '''Jack Pistol: '''Do you happen to hide anything else in this room besides designs and other documents of importance? '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Such as? '''Jack Pistol: '''You know, booze and such? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Or spare change? '''Bill Plunderbones: '''I really need to go. ''Exit Bill Plunderbones. 'Edgar Wildrat: '''Let's get started! '''Jack Pistol: '''Okay, I'll check this side of the room you check that side of the room. ''They begin searching the room. 'Edgar Wildrat: '(Holding a small emblem) What's this? 'Jack Pistol: '''Is it a clue? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''How must I know? '''Jack Pistol: '''Hmm... It looks like an emblem. I'm not familiar with its design so I can't tell whose it is. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Well a clue usually points someone somewhere significant. Where do you think we are supposed to go next? '''Jack Pistol: '''This clue significantly points me towards the bar we saw down the street. I think we should check it out! '''Edgar Wildrat: '(Facepalm) Ugh, we are definitely going to need some brains for this operation, you and I are not the best of detectives. 'Jack Pistol: '''What about Simon Redskull? He is very intelligent and I hear he is in need of a job. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Let's hire him! '''Jack Pistol: '''We will talk with him over a drink at the bar that has become significantly attractive. ''Both exit. Scene II At the near by bar. Enter Simon Redskull, Edgar Wildrat and Jack Pistol. '''Jack Pistol: (To waiter) I would like a tankard of your finest and or cheapest rum. Simon Redskull: 'Let's focus please. What did you want to see me about? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''We have a case to solve and we're not....The best detectives. '''Simon Redskull: '''Whats the problem? '''Jack Pistol: '''John Breasly asked D.I. to make improved ship of the line blueprints to fight of Spanish vessels. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''The blueprints were stolen, someone crept itno Bill Plunderbones's house and took them. ''Waiter comes with rum. Unbeknownst to them she is the secretary from Daggerpaine Industries 'Jack Pistol: '(Taking a drink) About time, too! 'Simon Redskull:'So you want me to help you find the culprit? Have you looked at the scene of the crime? Did you find anything? 'Jack Pistol: '''Yes. (Hiccups) ''Edgar Wildrat gives the small emblem to Simon Redskull. '''Simon Redskull: I know this! This emblem is Spanish, the theif most have been working for Spain! Jack Pistol: Then thats our next destination!!! Jack Pistol gets up and falls over. Edgar Wildrat: 'I'll get a ship. We will set sail, soon. '''Simon Redskull: '''We will need someone to help us get into Spain, we cant just waltz in. '''Jack Pistol: '(Still lying on the floor) I know the perfect man for the job, Zeke! Edgar bends over Jack and takes a sack of money out his pocket then puts it in his own. Edgar and Simon then help Jack up and take him outside. All exit. Scene III At King Carlos Clemente's Castle in Spain, Madrid. Enter King Carlos Clemente, Cortez, his royal advisor and loyal assistant and Chris Swordbones, his temporary goon. 'Cortez: '(Bowing) You wished to see me, sir? 'Carlos Clemente: '''Yes, and I would prefer it if you called me king and if that other man bowed (pointing at Chris). '''Cortez: '''My apologies sire. Bow before the king, Chris! ''Chris begins to chew on celery. '''Carlos Clemente: '''When will the spy return with the designs for the ships? '''Cortez: '''My king, the plans will be here within a week. '''Carlos Clemente: '''And by what time can we begin building? '''Cortez: '''Immediately. We have already begun collecting wood and supplies for building. '''Carlos Clemente: '''I want it done as soon as we can. '''Cortez: Yes sire! Cortez sees Chris is still not bowing. Cortez: 'Bow before the king you ingrate! '''Chris Swordbones: '''I'm only temporary. Bowing is unnecessary. '''Carlos Clemente: '''You will bow or become unwelcome in these lands, Swordbones! '''Chris Swordbones: '(Stops chewing celery) I don't bow to fruits, Pear! Chris turns on his heels and makes way for the door. Carlos Clemente flies into a fit of rage. '''Carlos Clemente: '''Salga usted escoria! '''Chris Swordbones: Comer mis cortos y vas al infierno. Exit Chris Swordbones. Carlos Clemente: 'Make sure he leaves by sundown or I will kill him. '''Cortez: '''As you wish, my king. '''Carlos Clemente: '''Lawrence will try and retrieve the designs, see to it personally that he fails. '''Cortez: '''How shall I do that? '''Carlos Clemente: '''Track him down and stop him dead in his tracks. He will probably journey to Spain in search of his designs soon. '''Cortez: '''I will take some men with me to deal with this minor threat. '''Carlos Clemente: '''Good. ''Both exit. Scene IV Enter Lawrence Daggerpaine, Bill Plnderbones, Simon Redskull, Jack Pistol and Edgar Wildrat being followed by a small crew of six men. 'Edgar Wildrat: '''This is the crew that will be dragging us across the Atlantic (Pointing at small crew behind him) and that is the ship (Pointing to a small ship). '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''The ship is smaller than the crew! ''From the crew of six men standing behind Edgar Wildrat the largest steps forward. 'Large Crewman: '''That ship, under the command of me, Captain Skull X, has succesfully looted an entire Spanish Treasure Fleet and sunk several war galleons. '''Simon Redskull: '''You hired a bunch of squabbling pirates with an ego-maniac for a leader, Edgar? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''They came with the ship, it was a great package deal! ''Lawrence pulls out clipboard and does a few calculations. 'Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Hmm... By the standards and size of that ship I think that only seven or eight of us can go aboard without the ship eventually sinking. I also took the food and other supplies into my calculations. '''Bill Plunderbones: '(Counting) There are eleven of us. 'Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Three people will have to stay here. '''Simon Redskull: '''Thank you, Professor. I believe that we should decide who stays by.... ''Edgar Wildrat pulls out his gold tri-barrelled pistol and shoots three of the crewmembers. 'Edgar Wildrat: '(Reloading) Did I kill enough? 'Jack Pistol: '''Thank you, Edgar! That's much better! All aboard? ''All but Jack, Edgar and the dead crewmen look stunned. A voice is heard. 'Voice: '''Jack, you idiot!!! Why didn't you come to the poker game? I've lost and now the fools we were going to scam want to kill me. ''Shots fly past the approaching enraged woman. 'Jack Pistol: '''Sorry, Miss found a better source of income. ''Captain Skull X stares besottedly at Miss Telltale. 'Miss Telltale: '''I'm including myself. Let me just deal with these angry gamblers and I'll join you. ''The mob approaches and Miss draws her hidden blade. Captain Skull X steps forward and charges the mob. He defends Miss and fights off the mob without giving her a chance to fight them. 'Miss Telltale: '''Could have done it myself, but I like a free escape. Jack, is there space on the ship? ''Before Edgar can do anything Jack kicks a crewmember into the water. 'Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Right this way Miss uh... Miss Miss. '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Law, I think i should stay here and see what I can do to get the vessels construction underway. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Good thinking Bill. I'll see you when we return. If this ship doesn't sink or if Edgar and Jack don't get us killed. Send my reports regarding the ship construction and I believe Mr Breasly requested a second copy of the improved designs you will have to make another copy of your improvements from memory. ''All exit. Scene V Aboard the HMS Victory.Enter Captain Richard Goldvane, Lord Matthew Blastshot and Navy guards. '''Captain Goldvane: You wished to see me, sir? Matthew Blastshot: 'Yes, is the fleet ready? ''Explosions and ship vibrating is heard and seen. '''Captain Goldvane: Well, I'm only a privateer Captain in the employ of England, but as far as I can tell, not quite yet, sir. Blastshot walks to maps and begins plotting courses. Matthew Blastshot: 'What do you mean not quite yet? The Spanish Armada is fast approaching our ports and all we are doing is standing here! I want the fleet ready, when will it be ready? Why isn't it ready? IS it ready? '''Captain Goldvane: '''Sir, the fleet is incomplete without the new ship of the lines. ''A ship swings backward and part of it explodes. '''Matthew Blastshot: (Barely noticing) We will have to do without it. Captain Goldvane: 'Yessir! I will prepare to launch the ships, or at least what we have, immediatly! It will take a while for us to reach the Spanish, rest assured I will support your fleet with my ship! '''Matthew Blastshot: '''Excellent, we have not been given permission to take the offensive yet, but we can do the best to ensure that no more Spanish ships enter our waters and that none of them get any closer to England! ''A cannonball and shards fly through room. Blasthshot doesn't seem to notice, but Goldvane and the navy guards race for the door. All exit. Act III Scene I Aboard Captain Skull X's ship, l'Invincible Radeau. Enter Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Simon Redskull and Captain Skull. 'Edgar Wildrat: '''Simon, how far are we from Spanish the coast? '''Simon Redskull: '''We should see the coastline very soon. ''Jack takes the helm. 'Captain Skull X: '''Do you even know how to steer a ship? '''Jack Pistol: '''This would be more like directing a raft. '''Captain Skull X: '''Stop insulting my fine vessel! ''Land can be seen on the horizon. 'Edgar Wildrat: '''Land! We are finally here! ''Jack begins to turn the ship's wheel left until the ship is parallel to the coastline on the horizon. 'Simon Redskull: '''Jack, what do you think you are doing?! '''Captain Skull X: '''I knew he couldn't steer a ship! '''Jack Pistol: '''It would be extremely stupid of us to think that we can land this raft over there, in Spanish territory, travel all the way to King Carlos' castle or where ever the designs have been taken and expect it to be exactly as we left it. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''You have a point. We would also proably never make it all the way to the King's castle if we travel straight through Spanish land. '''Jack Pistol: '''That's why I plan for us to land in the South-West of France and travel down into Spain to an estate owned and operated by my cousin, Nicholas Nikolai, to resupply ourselves, and then continue by back road to the capitol. '''Simon Redskull: '''Would Nicholas perhaps a real ship that can return us to the Caribbean safely? '''Jack Pistol: '''We can only hope and pray! '''Captain Skull X: '''What's that supposed to mean? '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Well, this "ship" of yours is more of a one-way ticket than anything else, Skull. ''All except Captain Skull X laugh. 'Captain Skull X: '''And what do you mean by "a real ship", Simon? '''Jack Pistol: '''What do you mean Simon? This isn't even a fake ship! ''All excpet Captain Skull X laugh. Caprain Skull X draws his sword and charges Edgar and Jack. He thrusts with his sword at Edgar. Edgar dodges and draws his saber. Captain Skull X hacks twice at Jack. Jack dodges the first and blocks the second. Captain Skull X overhead cuts at Edgar. He misses and his sword slams into the railing in front of the helm. Simon draws his sword and hits Captain Skull X's sword that is now on the railing, loosening his grip and causing him to drop it. 'Simon Redskull: '''Have you simians been so caught up hacking steel at each other that you haven't noticed the oncoming danger? ''A Man-O-War flyig English colors and a one other flag is approaching. Enter the rest of the crew: Lawrence Daggerpaine and Miss Telltale. '' '''Miss Telltale: '''Can't you idiots shut up while I sleep? '''Captain Skull X: '''My beauty awakes. Did you dream of me as I did of you? '''Miss Telltale: '''Shut up. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''That's Captain Robert's ship. '''Jack Pistol: '''I foresee him delaying us! '''Edgar Wildrat: '''I foresee him watching his tongue and bowing to the prince. '''Simon Redskull: '''He's a corrupt navy captain, Edgar. You will have to bribe your way out of this. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''I would have money if Law rewarded Jack properly! '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''And I would have money to reward Jack properly if your father paid me half upfront for the designs! '''Simon Redskull: '''Can we focus, please?! '''Captain Skull X: '(While rubbing the railing of the ship) Not to worry, I've defeated stronger ships than that one on this beauty. 'Jack Pistol: '''Sure you have. This raft is a feat of technology! I mean it can float the whole way across an ocean. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Well what are we going to do? Mr. Macmonger will arrest most of us and financially cripple the rest! '''Miss Telltale: '''I could kill him with meh hidden blade? '''Jack Pistol: '''Miss, I don't think your hidden anything could stop Macmonger. ''Captain Skull X suddenly snaps out of a daze and looks alert. He then looks mesmerized at Miss. 'Edgar Wildrat: '''Let's all go below deck and try and figure this out. ''All head for the lower deck. Captain Skull X follows close behind Miss. 'Captain Skull X: '''So tell me more about your um.... hidden blade? ''All exit. A slap is heard offstage. Scene II At King John's palace. Enter William Yellowbones and Jason Yelloweagle, holding two letters. 'Jason Yelloweagle: '(Bowing) Good morning, sir. 'William Yellowbones: ' Good morning, Yelloweagle. What are you holding? 'Jason Yelloweagle: '''Letters for His Majesty. '''William Yellowbones: '''Let me read them! '''Jason Yelloweagle: '''They are for the king, not his grandson. '''William Yellowbones: '''Do you want to be hung? '''Jason Yelloweagle: '''Sorry, sir. ''William changes his expression already forgotten about the letters. 'William Yellowbones: ' Jason! 'Jason Yelloweagle: '''Yes, my lord? '''William Yellowbones: '''Why is my father not here? '''Jason Yelloweagle: '''Well, I don't know because I can't ask him because of his absence, you see? '''William Yellowbones: '''Sounds like a cheap excuse to me. Go see if he needs help getting ready! '''Jason Yelloweagle: '''At once! ''Jason Yelloweagle heads to the door. Enter John Breasly, wearing shoes but no socks. Jason turns around and heads back to William. 'Jason Yelloweagle: '''My king, where are your socks?! '''King John: '''Some cretin has run off with them! And it seems I'm also short on one powdered wig! '''Jason Yelloweagle: '''Well, okay. I have some letters addressed to you, sire. '''King John: '''Who are they from? '''Jason Yelloweagle: '(Holding the letters) This one is from Daggerpaine Industries and this one is from Lord Matthew Blastshot. 'King John: '''Let me see the one from Daggerpaine Industries. ''Jason hands the letter to King John. 'King John: '(Reading) Your Majesty The construction of the improved ship of the line fleetis underway. Enclosed is a copy of the improved designs as per your request. The vesslels should be completed soon and then be brought to England. Sincerely Bill Plunderbones King John looks at the improved designs. 'King John: '''Impressive Lawrence! Show me the other letter, Jason. ''Jason gives King John the letter from Lord Matthew Blastshot. King John opens the letter and finds that it is eight pages long. 'King John: '''I only asked him to tell me how the fleet was holding up against Spain and he sends me an eight page letter! The man is a bloody bore! '''William Yellowbones: '''What of your sock thief? '''King John: '''Hmm... Jason, have the royal tailor make me several new pairs of socks. William, increase palace security and have anyone suspected of this sick crime arrested! '''William Yellowbones: '''And hung? '''King John: ''Yes! And throw in some maiming too! All exit. Scene III Aboard l'Invincible Radeau. Enter Captain Skull X, Jack Pistol, Edgar Wildrat, Lawrence Daggerpaine, Simon Redskull and Miss Telltale. Capt. Robert's ship is now almost upon them. Lawrence Daggerpaine: 'Shall we try reason with Mr Robert? '''Simon Redskull: '''Good luck, trying to talk sense into the Royal Navy's most corrupt captain. ''Capt. Robert's ship pulls along side and grapples are thrown onto the railing. Enter Capt. Robert accompanied by eight navy soldiers. 'Capt. Robert: '''I see three men and a lady who will be spending tonight locked in my ship's brig! '''Edgar Wildrat: '''Capt. Robert, I order you to return to your ship and sail away. '''Capt. Robert: '''And a prince who will be paying a steep price for his kingly father not to hear of his acquiantance with four criminals. '''Simon Redskull: '''You're a corrupt thug! '''Capt. Robert: '''And you are the first of the four to be put under arrest. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''What is Simon charged with? '''Capt. Robert: '''He dwells too deep in military documents and secrets he should not know about. He has often stolen important papwerwork from the navy. ''Two navy guards grab Simon and put cuffs on his wrists. ''They take him behind Robert' and hold him there.'' '''Navy Guard 1: '''Who is next sir? '''Capt. Robert: '''Ladies first. Arrest Miss Telltale for murder, theft, lawlessness and many other crimes including turning down a marriage to me. '''Captain Skull X: '''How dare you try and marry this fine lady! '''Capt. Robert: Arrest him too. He has fired on ships owned by His Majesty with this poor excuse of a ship. Captain Skull X: 'On the country! My ship, l'Invincible Radeau is a fine majestic vessel! ''One of the navy guards laughs. 'Navy Guard 2: '(In a French accent) I believe you mean contrary, it is shocking that me, a Frenchman, can speak better english then an Englishman. 'Captain Skull X: '''The correct term is ''gooder English but I'll let it slide because you are still learning. Navy Guard 2 rolls his eyes. 'Navy Guard 2: '(Still in his French accent) By the way who named your ship? 'Captain Skull X: '''The man who I bought it from did. He said it was French for The Invincible Titan! '''Navy Guard 2: '''He was lying to you, it means (while laughing) The Invincible Raft! ''All begin to giggle. 'Capt. Robert: '''Enough jokes! Arrest them! ''Miss and Captain Skull X are both approached by two navy guards. Their hands are cuffed and they are taken to stand next to Simon. 'Miss Telltale: '''Please, dont make me share a cell with this guy! '''Capt. Robert: '''We are short on space, you will have to. (Evil laugh) '''Captain Skull X: '''And I think to myself what a wonderful world! '''Capt. Robert: '''And now for Jack Pistol. Cuff him! ''Two navy guards approach Jack. '''Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''Is there no way we can reason with you? '''Capt. Robert: '''Only one thing can sway my decisions and it seems none of you have that one thing. '''Captain Skull X: '''Is it a majestic vessel? I have one of those! '''Edgar Wildrat: You idiot! He means money! Before the navy guards reach Jack, he draws his sword and hacks at the nearest of the two. Edgar draws his saber and slashes at the other one. Robert fires a shot with his pistol and everyone stops. The other guards race forward, grab Jack and cuff him. Capt. Robert: 'You just love to annoy me dont you, Jack? And you too Edgar! You are both bloody pests. ''Jack is taken to stand with the other prisoners. 'Capt. Robert: '''Edgar, I excpect to have my bribe before I reach your father if not you can expect to be disowned. (Evil laugh) ''Exit Capt. Robert, The eight Navy Guards and the four prisoners to Robert's ship. 'Lawrence Daggerpaine: '''The loss of Mr Pistol and the rest does mean less people to reward, however, it means a harder job for us and the possibility of Mr Wildrat being reported to his father. '''Edgar Wildrat: '''So we rescue them! ''All exit Scene IV Enter Bill Plunderbones in a massive drydock at Daggerpaine Industries filled with the AdvancedShip of the Lines under construction. '' '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Bounty Hunter Bill?! ''Enter Bounty Hunter Bill holding a briscket. 'Bounty Hunter Bill: '''Don't call me that! UGH! Call me Hunter! '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Sorry Mr Hunter, I always forget. How are the ships comign along? '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '( Screaming ) Well then DON'T forget!!! Why do I even work here?! 'Bill Plunderbones: '( Calmly ) Because you need the pay Mr Hunter. 'Bounty Hunter Bill: '( In full on rage now ) NEED THE PAY!!! HOW DARE YOU!? 'Bill Plunderbones: '''Mr Hunter calm down please. ''Hunter begins to froth at the mouth. 'Bounty Hunter Bill: '( Speech is distorted because of froth ) HO''th''W flth ''DA...DA ''fth fffsh.... 'Bill Plunderbones: '''Bill are you okay? ''Hunter enters a scrwaming fit stage and froth flies everywhere. Bill can barely make out the words "Hunter! Hunter is my name fool!". 'Bill Plunderbones: '''Sorry again Hunter. i'll try remember next time. ''Bill hands Hunter a rag to wash his mouth off. 'Bill Plunderbones: '''So how is the construction coming? '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '( Still sounding a bit angry ) They are coming along fine, sir! Except we are a bit behind because I had to fire a few men who worked on the hulls. 'Bill Plunderbones: '''Were they drinking on the job again? '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '''No they called me Bill when I greeted them! '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Eh do you really think firing them was worthy of their crime. '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '''I was going to murder them but I didn't want any blood on my briscket. '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Uh, lets just take a look at the ships, shall we? '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '''Sure. ''Bill Plunderbones and Bounty Hunter Bill begin walking down the drydock looking at the ships surrounding them. 'Bounty Hunter Bill: '''How long do you think it will take to finish them? '''Bill Plunderbones: '''Probably another week or two if we rehire the hull bracers. When we are done we will have to sail them to Mr Breasly so he can use them in an epic naval engagement agaisnt Mr Clemente. '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '''I'll rehire them on final warning! And as a punishment they can do over-time. '''Bill Plunderbones: '''That might not be a good...You know what? Nevermind, at least we will finish sooner. '''Bounty Hunter Bill: '''Okay, I'll go find them. ''Both exit. Scene V Enter Matthew Blastshot and Richard Goldvane on a British Royal Navy ship. A Spanish Armada ship is closing in on them. '''Richard Goldvane: Sir! A Spanish Armada Ship is boarding us! Grapples are thrown aboard the ship and ''Spanish Mariners board the ship.'' The Royal Navy Officers begin to fight off the Spanish Mariners. 'Matthew Blastshot: '( Calmly ) Where are my crumpets, Goldvane? '''Richard Golvane: Sir? We're in the middle of war this isn't the time!. Matthew Blastshot: ('' Ignoring Richard ) Cook! Get me crumpets now or I'll have your head! ''Cook comes in carrying a barrel of crumpets. Matthew Blastshot eats one and frowns. One of his officers run by screaming in pain and falls to the ground but Matthew doesn't notice.. Matthew Blastshot: These are undercooked. YOU SCOUNDREL! YOU TREACHOURUS EVIL MURDERER OF EVERYTHING HOLY ON EARTH! He shoots the cook in the head. A hooded assassin appears and begins to fight Goldvane. Richard Goldvane: Sir! I'm under attack! The assassin corners Richard Goldvane and stabs him with a dagger. Goldvane dodges kickes him in the face then double back-flips onto a rope ladder. The assassin climbs up and they duel on top of a mast until Richard drops under his enemy and, upside down throws a cufflink through his stomach. Matthew Blastshot: Richard stop fooling around with your toddler friends and get back down here! I want my crumpets!!! The Spanish Armada Mariners retreat to their ship in panic when Richard kills the assassin. The small Spanish ship cuts the grapple lines and sails away. Matthew looks up when he hears a noise but he looks on the starboard side instead of the port side were the Spanish are busy sailing away. '' '''Richard Goldvane:' With all due respect sir I think I just saved us from a Spanish Armada, with a- Matthew Blastshot: Armada?!?!?! Hah! I haven't seen a single other ship out here besides ours for ages! And its been strangely calm for the last week. If you tell foolish lies like that again I might just draft an 8-page letter to His Majesty. A man falls into a vat of oil and it sets on fire, the ship catches on fire and a bloodcurling scream is heard. Matthew Blastshot: Richard how nice! You had a fire made for my crumpets! Matthew cooks crumpets while the crew runs around panicing, Matthew begins to hum Kum-Ba-Yah. All exit. 'Act IV' 'Scene I' Late night aboard Lord Matthew Blastshot’s ship. Enter Matthew Blastshot. Matthew Blastshot: Richard!? Richard!!! The waves hitting the ship’s hull is all that can be heard. Matthew Blastshot: MATILDA! Matil.. I mean RICHARD!? Enter Richard Goldvane running. Richard Goldvane: Were you calling me, sir? Matthew Blastshot: Who do you think I was calling? Richard Goldvane: You also shouted out the name Matilda. Matthew Blastshot: Forgive my forgetfulness, Goldvane! Now, Captain Robert should be passing by soon. You are to accompany him on his ship back to London. Ready the fleet and meet me back here when you can. While you are gone I will have a meeting with Davy Gunfish, Admiral of the Spanish Armada, and maybe I can delay him long enough for you to return. Richard Goldvane: Sir, last time we were at the drydocks the fleet suffered heavy damage mainly because of our useless workers and because we decided to fill the powder magazines early. Matthew Blastshot: Richard, some day when you are old and wise like me you will realize that prefilling a powder magazine can save a man’s life. Richard Goldvane: No disrespect sir, but I am older than you and filling those magazines lost 237 men their lives. Matthew Blastshot: How noble it is for such numbers to die in battle for the service of their country. Richard Goldvane: Actually they died in a peaceful area and were in fact mostly slaves forced to serve the country. Matthew doesn’t notice what Goldvane is saying and he continues to ramble on. Matthew Blastshot: It is their strong will that makes the pirate cause noble and just and that is why i fight for it! Richard Goldvane: Isn’t it your aim to kill pirates? And aren’t you fighting for England’s cause? Matthew fogets what he has just said and thus contradicts himself. Matthew Blastshot: Richard, try and keep up! Of course I fight for England I slay all unnoble pirates I meet they are very unjust people! Richard sighs. Captain Robert’s ship pulls alongside. Matthew Blastshot: A sneak attack? Fire at will men! Richard Goldvane: Sir, it’s Captain Robert. Matthew Blastshot: In that case, wait for arrogant comment. Enter Captain Robert climbing aboard the ship. Captain Robert: Fear not my confused admiral, your Robert has arrived! Captain Robert bows smugly. Matthew Blastshot: That’s it you’re fired, Robert, formerly known as ‘Captain Robert’! Captain Robert holds up a letter with John Brealy’s seal. Matthew Blastshot: ( Reading ) To prevent the inevitable… Lord Matthew Blastshot, If Captain Robert makes a sassy comment, which we both know he will, please refrain from stripping him of his rank and/or firing him. We need him and you know it and besides his corrupt bribery is a great way to fill the coffers, even if he does keep most of it to himself. Sincerely, King John Breasly Matthew Blastshot: Welcome to the British Royal Navy, Captain Robert, formerly known as ‘Robert’, formerly known as ‘Captain Robert’! Captain Robert: Thank you. Captain Robert grins. Captain Robert: Let’s go Goldvane. Captain Robert gestures Goldvane to board his ship. Exit Captain Robert and Richard Goldvane to Captain Robert’s ship. Exit Matthew Blastshot below the deck of his ship. Faint shouting from Jack Pistol, Simon Redskull, Capt. Skull X and Miss Telltale in the brig can be heard on Captain Robert’s ship. 'Scene II' Enter Sir Carlos Clemente and Cortez walking down the halls of the Sir Carlos' royal palace in Spain towards the Royal Harbour. Sir Carlos Clemente: 'Cortez, it has been a lengthy three weeks since the spy stole the Advanced Ship of the Line designs, and the crossing from the Caribbean is only two weeks long with a fast ship. Did you give the spy a fast ship? '''Cortez: '''Sire, I gave the spy the fastest ship that can also outgun anyone who attempts to retrieve the designs from it. '''Sir Carlos Clemente: '''So the possibilty of the ship being sunk is low? Then why am I not holding the designs and laughing evily? '''Cortez: '''There has been bad weather in the Caribbean, My Royalness. Most ships have been stuck there for the past four weeks. The only ships that could leave the harbor are really really small ones. '''Sir Carlos Clemente: '( Angry ) Unacceptable! The designs should be in my hands currently! Enter Chris Swordbones unseen. He is on a higher altitude looking down on them in the hall. Chris Swordbones begins to pelt Sir Carlos with rats. Sir Carlos screams and jumps back and then looks around for the thrower. 'Sir Carlos Clemente: '''Who throws rats at me?! Speak up! Coward I dare you throw another and you shall see! ''Another rat is seen being flung over the balcony but Chris is out of sight. 'Sir Carlos Clemente: '''Cortez, kill the rat-pelter! Matar a la rata lanzador! ''Cortez pulls out his pistol and unsheathes his sword and begins to search the balconies for the culprit. Enter Chris Swordbones now on the same floor as them. 'Sir Carlos Clemente: '''You! Did you see a man holding rats? Or throwing them at me? ''There is a squeak coming from Chris' pocket. 'Chris Swordbones: '''No, Carlos. '''Cortez: '( Whispering to Sir Carlos ) Didn't you want him killed for never addressign you properly, my royal master? 'Sir Carlos Clemente: '( Whispering to Cortez with a hint of menace in his voice ) Weren't you the one meant to kill him? '''Cortez: ( Whispering to Sir Carlos ) Sorry, it seems to have slipped my mind. Shall I kill him now? Sir Carlos Clemente: ( Whispering to Cortez ) No, let's find and murder that rat-pelter first! Sir Carlos Clemente: 'Chris, you may accompany us to the docks if you like. We are checking to see if teh fleet is ready. '''Chris Swordbones: '''I will join you. ''All exit. Enter Sir Carlos Clemente, Cortez and Chris Swordbones at the Royal docks and followe by Davy Gunfish. 'Cortez: '''Sire, your Royal Ship of the Line, ''San de Fruta, ''has met your royal standards that your royal page sent to our royal boat builder, your Royalness. ''Sir Carlos walks up to his ship. '''Pearson: Thank you, Assistant of Royal Affairs. The Royal Spanish Armada will soon fully meet The Royal British Enemy of The Royal State, and then the Royal Plan will take its course. All we need now are those Advanced Ship of the Line designs so we can match Breasly's fleet! Cortez: Your Royalness, are we ready for departure? Pearson: 'Yes, The Royal Spanish Armada is ready for departure. Followers of my royal crown, let it begin! We will sail out now and skirmish the British Royal Navy until we can receive the designs. Then construction will begin and when it is completed we will sail to England's shores and meet them face to face! ''The Spanish Royal Armada enters cheering and boards the various ships. Pearson and Cortez board the San de Fruta with a complete crew. '''Chris Swordbones: No! Chris leaps and jumps onto the San de Fruta and begins to kill the crew. '' ''Sir Carlos yells an order and Cortez stabs Hermit. '' ''Hermit knocks him out in one punch shoots a bullet at Pearson. The bullet misses and Chris jumps overbaord easily gettign caught. 'Sir Carlos Clemente: ' ( While running around in circles screaming ) A British Royal Spy! What English trickery to the Spanish Royal Crown is this?!?! Who dares oppose The Spanish Royal Armada! An enemy spy! Call off the departure! Admiral Gunfish, meet with Admiral Blastshot and try to stall the battle we need more time! Ah...a... Sir Carlos' face grows red and he passes out on deck. '' ''Chris is tied up and shot with a blow dart and is taken to the Spanish Royal Prison. All exit. Category:Fan Creations Category:Fan Plays Category:PWNAGE Productions